I really like the church I’ve been going to since the end of September…
They are very caring, compassionate…it’s a very tightknit community. And it amazes me quite a bit. I am incredibly grateful for some new friendships as a result of the community as well.
So, why the hell does it scare the fuck out of me to be part of it? Or commit myself to being part of it? Why is there still this reaction inside of me at the idea of someone there holding me accountable that makes my stomach turn?
Why am I so fucking independent that the idea of community just completely boggles my mind entirely?
I started trying to challenge myself to actually come up with a prayer request during small group when the leader goes around and asks each person…I did…and I entirely regretted it as he prayed about it. I showed weakness. I would rather spend months trying to deny that I’m having issues with my knee again than admit to a weakness. UGH 
. This church has already seen more weakness from me than any of my coworkers or FD brethren have ever seen.
